Possibilities

Wow - a new blog entry. It's been almost 2 months since I've blogged. Am I lazy? Do I have nothing to say? Am I busy? Yes, yes and yes. But now, as I sit here thinking about the end of 2008 and entering 2009, I've become contemplative. I think about all that happened in 2008 - mostly good things: 2 family weddings, lots of vacations and good times at the pool and parties with great friends, my 10th wedding anniversary, my daughter's 5th and son's 8th birthdays, the 2nd annual "moms gone wild" weekend, getting a new dog, and a reunion with my sister that I've missed for 6 years. And, on a different level of significance, I've discovered facebook, which has reconnected me with family and friends I might not otherwise have talked to nearly as much (but I already wrote about that in another blog post.)

So now I think about what 2009 can bring. So many more possibilities. A few weeks ago, I spent a weekend doing The Landmark Forum, which has really changed my outlook on life. I mentioned to someone else in the Forum at the time that I used to think I was an optimist before (another prior blog post!), but now, I define optimism differently. I have come to realize, through the hard work of the Landmark Forum, that I can decide my future, and not have it decided for me. I control my life - not what happens in life, because none of us can control what happens. But I make the decision how I react to what happens around me. And that is really powerful. Making those decisions based on what you want your life to be is an incredible feeling of empowerment. I create my own life through what I want to be possibile.

So for 2009, I urge everyone else to make their own possibilities. Happy New Year!!

Age

Change - it's the big buzz word lately. Everyone wants some kind of change - a change in leadership, a change in the economic landscape, personal change, even just a change of the weather. Everything is about change.


One inevitable change is getting older. Aging is a natural human process that everyone goes through, but some don't do so as gracefully as others. Take Hollywood actresses (or other celebrities --uh...hello. Joan Rivers?!? What were you thinking?!?!) who think plastic surgery to look younger is just a part of life. Use good skin care products, color your hair, exercise, watch what you eat, wear contacts instead of glasses. If you must, you can find plenty of ways to make yourself not look as old as you are that don't include surgery (or injecting a live virus into your facial muscles...another topic that just grosses me out!)

But why must you do that? What makes us, as a society, associate getting older as something negative? Something to be defied and denied at all costs? We ALL - every human being - gets older every day. At the same pace. I will be one day older tomorrow than I am today (38 years and 136 days)...and so will you, and so will everyone else on the planet. What is wrong with that?? I say nothing.

Maybe I'm in a minority - I am proud of my age. I'm 38 and not afraid to say it. 38. 38. 38. And I look forward to each birthday as an occasion to celebrate - I made it through another year of life. I don't care if I'm one of those people who "looks good for her age" - what does 38 look like anyway? What matters is that I feel good about myself at any age, no matter how I look. I am proud of who I am now, and really looking forward to who I will be - not what I look like - when I'm 40, and 48, and 58, and God willing, 68, 78, 88, and 98.

I consider each each wrinkle, each grey hair, each need to squint a little more each day, as a badge of pride - proof I have lived my 38+ years, and I lived them well. I earned these wrinkles, and I don't really care who knows it.

Family

We had dinner together last night - just the four of us, at the dining room table. That's a rare occurance these days - and it was just so nice to have that brief amount of family time together. We talked about each other - what we like and love about each other - and I heard out loud some sentiments that I suspected were there, but rarely, if ever, voiced out loud. Two examples: Ryan really does like it when Katie plays Wii with him; Katie likes that Ryan is sweet. They actually do enjoy doing things together and conspiring against either me or Mark, or both of us. It's not always apparent, but I know it's there, just under the surface.

Katie suggested that one of the reasons that Mark and I love each other is because we kissed at our wedding. That doesn't even start to explain it all.

So on nights like last night, I realize that I'm doing something right. I may not be a perfect mom or a perfect wife, and I'm sure there will be lots of therapy in my kids' future for some reason or another, but for now, I feel good about the mom and wife I am.

Optimism

I don't usually blog at work, but I don't think any colleagues read this, so I think I'm safe...

October is a crazy busy time of year for me at work. It's the same every year - planning a week's worth of training programs, getting the attorneys to do their evaluations, projecting headcount figures and part of the budget for next year. All the while distracted by what the kids and Mark and I will be for Halloween.

Yet every October, I start out thinking that "it's not going to be that stressful, tiring, that much work this year." Maybe because I've been doing these same tasks every October for at least the past 5 years and think that it's mostly routine - yet it always is as stressful, tiring and as much (or more) work as the year before, and the year before that... Still, I can't help but go into it with a sense of optimism.

Because I'm an optimist. If something bad happens, my immediate reaction is: "Okay, what's going to make it better? Not..."oh my God, this is the worst possible thing." I believe that bad thing cannot be the focus, because it will be fed by my negative thoughts and become a stronger bad thing. So my focus instead is on what will make it better.

Some people think that is unrealistic - that it is just my way of not facing reality - that this bad thing is there, and the possibility of it getting worse is very real, and what if that worse thing does happen? I know that. I realize that bad things do get worse. And if that bad thing gets worse, I'll face it when it does. But in the meantime, my energy is focused on believing it will get better. Because that does happen too. In my 38+ years of life, I've learned that some bad things get worse, and some get better. So I make the choice to focus my energy on the possible better, not the possible worse.

So next October will inevitably come, and I'll go into it thinking, this year will not be that bad. And I might be wrong. But I believe that someday, I'll be right.

Diversity

I was with a few friends earlier tonight for an informal 40th surprise party; and only now that I think about it, I realize how different we are from each other. There was: our nanny - who is really a part of our family - and her husband, 21 yr. old daughter and 11 yr. old son; her niece and nephew and their 1 yr. old daughter; all of them are Mexican. The birthday "boy", his wife and 2 daughters (3 and 1) are black. And finally, the couple with their 3 yr. old daughter (who are expecting a second baby in the Spring) are from India.

When I was 8 or 5 - my kids ages - I had very little interaction with families not like mine- white, middle class, suburban. I would never have been exposed to a night like tonight because all of my parents friends were white, middle class, suburban. I didn't sit in a classroom with someone who had a different color skin than me until I got to high school. And even then, the only minority represented was a handful of black girls.

How times have changed. For the better. My kids live a completely opposite childhood from mine. Differences in people's skin color, language, accent, mean absolutely nothing to them. They spend their school day with children who are so diverse that their school is nicknamed "the Rainbow school."

I started this blog by saying how different we all were - but as I write more I realize we're really much more alike than different. We all work to provide for our family, we all get together with friends for life celebrations, and we all teach our kids that people are people - no matter what they look like, what language they speak or what neighborhood they live in.

Hopefully, my kids will never have to teach the same lesson to their kids - it will just be a part of their life.

Dancing with the Stars

I started writing about the tanking stock market and the economy - but I got depressed and angry. So I stopped.

Then I started watching Dancing with the Stars. It's anything but depressing. I never watched this show before last week. But now I'd be happy to watch it any day. It doesn't bother me like some "reality" shows like Survivor or Big Brother. It's entertaining, fun, and the stars look like they are really having a great time. I could do without all the "fluff" but I guess they do have to fill up two hours. And the Stars don't trash each other - they like doing what they are doing and they don't have to scheme, plot, and bad mouth each other to succeed.

My favorite is Warren Sapp - he's having a GREAT time. For such a big guy, he can move pretty gracefully. He's really enjoying it and just having fun.

Watching the show is just plain fun. Mindless, enjoyable, fun. It's great to lose yourself for an hour or two just watching people dance. Makes me want to take a dance class.

Now that's exercise I might actually enjoy.

Fall and Baseball

I love fall. The leaves changing, the cripsness in the air, getting my fall and winter wardrobe out of the closet, and many other reasons. But what also defines fall for me is baseball.

I've always been a sports chick. As a kid, I played sports with my town boys and girls club, and at my elementary school. I played basketball, bowling, and softball - because back in the 70's, girls didn't play baseball. And I loved watching sports too: football, basketball, but especially baseball. I went to baseball games at Yankee Staduim as a kid - and have always loved the sport. I still love going to games when I can and was lucky enough - thanks to my Red Sox fan husband committing what is probably considered illegal in Red Sox Nation - to go to a game this past July during the last season in the original house that Ruth built.

Baseball has become a part of my life like no other sport. I can't really explain it. It is still my favorite sport to watch or attend in person. I don't watch much during the summer - it's such a busy time of year. But when fall rolls around, and playoffs start, I'm there. I'm watching whoever is playing - be it the Yankees, Red Sox, or other teams I could care less about. I've got "fall fever" for baseball. I just love it.

Of course, I'd love it a little more if the Yankees were playing - but there's always next year.